Sibling rivalry is one of the most common parenting challenges. While it’s normal for brothers and sisters to argue, compete, or get jealous, unresolved conflict can harm family relationships and emotional development.
The good news is: with patience and the right strategies, parents can help their children build healthier relationships, resolve conflicts, and grow into respectful, supportive siblings.
Why Sibling Rivalry Happens
Sibling rivalry can be caused by a variety of factors, such as:
- Competing for parental attention
- Differences in age, personality, or interests
- Perceived favoritism
- Changes in the family (like a new baby or moving)
- Stress, boredom, or lack of routine
Disagreements between siblings are natural — but how they’re handled makes all the difference.
Normalize Sibling Conflict
First, understand that some level of sibling conflict is normal. Children are learning how to navigate relationships, express emotions, and solve problems. Occasional disagreements are part of that learning process.
Try not to panic when your children argue. Instead, view it as an opportunity to teach important life skills, like negotiation, empathy, and conflict resolution.
Avoid Taking Sides
One of the most common mistakes parents make is immediately jumping in and picking a “right” or “wrong” side during a conflict.
Instead of labeling one child as the problem, say:
- “I hear that you’re both upset. Let’s figure out what happened.”
- “It sounds like you had different ideas about how to play. How can we solve this together?”
This helps both children feel heard and supported — and teaches them that resolving problems is more important than “winning.”
Encourage Problem-Solving
Rather than solving every conflict for them, guide your children in finding their own solutions. Help them practice calm communication:
- “Can you tell your brother how you felt when that happened?”
- “What do you think we could do to make it fair?”
- “Is there a way you can both be happy with this decision?”
This builds emotional intelligence, cooperation, and problem-solving skills that they’ll use throughout life.
Give Individual Attention
Children often compete when they feel they aren’t getting enough attention. Spending one-on-one time with each child regularly helps reduce jealousy and improves behavior.
It doesn’t need to be elaborate — even 10 minutes of focused, undistracted time can make a big difference:
- Reading together
- Going for a short walk
- Cooking or playing a game
Let your child know: “I love spending time with just you.”
Avoid Comparisons
Saying things like “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” creates resentment and lowers self-esteem.
Instead, focus on each child’s unique strengths and progress:
- “I’m proud of how hard you worked on that puzzle.”
- “You were really kind to help with the dishes.”
This helps children feel valued for who they are, not how they measure up to a sibling.
Set Clear Family Rules
Having clear, consistent rules about behavior helps prevent conflict and creates fairness. Examples include:
- No hitting or name-calling
- Ask before borrowing something
- Take turns with toys or games
Review these rules as a family and post them somewhere visible. When rules are broken, follow through with calm, appropriate consequences.
Teach Respect and Empathy
Encourage your children to think about how their actions affect others. Use everyday moments to build empathy:
- “How do you think your sister felt when you said that?”
- “Let’s imagine how we’d feel if the roles were reversed.”
Reading books or watching shows with sibling relationships can also be a helpful way to spark discussion and teach empathy.
Celebrate Cooperation
Notice and praise moments when your children are kind, helpful, or cooperative with each other.
Say things like:
- “I love how you two worked together on that game.”
- “That was really thoughtful of you to share.”
Positive reinforcement helps build a stronger bond and encourages more of the behavior you want to see.
Prepare for Big Changes
Major life changes — like a new sibling, a move, or a change in school — can trigger more rivalry. Prepare your children in advance and talk about how things might feel.
Include them in the process when possible:
- Let them help set up the baby’s room
- Ask for their input during a move
- Talk openly about feelings and fears
When children feel involved and respected, they’re less likely to act out through sibling conflict.
Don’t Force Friendship — But Encourage Respect
You can’t make your children be best friends, and trying too hard may create more resistance. Instead of forcing them to play together all the time, focus on:
- Teaching respectful behavior
- Giving space when needed
- Creating family rituals that include everyone
Over time, shared experiences and mutual respect often lead to stronger sibling bonds — naturally and without pressure.